My heart was beating for you

And I trusted you

This time to hold it

No romanticizing the blood like before

When boys upon boys would

Treat it like a dissection and give it back

To me in pieces but here we are

And I feel like I could love you forever

And I hate that word because it is

So heavy but it comes off the tongue like

It’s a spring breeze

But you are scaring me now

Making me feel as though I might be

Broken again over nothing

And I’m just sorry I thought everything’s different.

how can I be as naive at 21 as I was at 17

You have become

The same as the boy

You tried to save me from.

I thought you were different

-j.f.

You smirked like the sun and I was

Bubblegum scented and irises

In my hands and you in my heart

But things don’t move at the pace

You expect them to they are not

Heartbeats and reactions

Controlled by channels and epinephrine

You are ripped out of my hands

Before I have a chance to

Think of words to ask you to stay

And I thought we were over that part

The asking each other to stay

I figured it was agreed upon until

The air was ripped from my lungs

And I didn’t thrash trying to breathe

I just let myself suffocate

Waiting for you to come home.

Not everything is a biochemical reaction, i’m afraid

-j.f.

I love in the dark

Like a taylor swift song

Because loving me is all

Moonlight on the lake and

Slow dances in the kitchen

In the refrigerator light and

It must be hard to leave me when

Poems are written into every inch of your

Skin and I loved you so deeply

It freckled you like the sun

And you feel me everywhere

It is paint on shower curtains and pajama pants

And when new friends mention it

You don’t talk about it anymore

But you want to

And I break bottles for the art

For the hell of knowing that pain

Keeps us breathing

And I feel your heartbeat so often

It became my own until

It was once every few months at parties

And I would pretend I don’t miss you

From three feet away

Wishing for a shrinking distance between us

And it took me twelve good months to realize

Loving me is like a taylor swift song and you

Have felt me like a ghost

Here and there long after I’ve gone.

this is what heartache feels like

-j.f.

I hate that crying makes my throat hurt

And that some days I am dancing

On pool decks and others

I don’t ever want to wake up again

And I loved you like a bonfire

In the end of august

So some days I want to kiss a new boy

Like I don’t know you as any more than

My friend five hours away

But some days I wish you were

Beside me and we laugh and talk

Like the world didn’t flip upside down

And I wonder if you ever miss me

And I wonder if we will ever

Share the same bed same mouth again.

summer is the saddest season

-j.f.

Let’s pretend you’re stardust

When everyone else knows

You’re just empty space

On the side of my bed and I try to

Hold you like that’s not true but

Every party and every bar

And every boy it feels like

A repetitive motion of

Eyes lips teeth and then I

Run away because there is too much space

And I just want the boy who could

Bring a Phoenix back from its ashes

Who would order dessert before dinner

With me and bring me back from

The black hole he placed me in

When he left and I imploded

Like a supernova.

to the boys who tried to love me after him (I’m already gone)

-j.f.

Maybe the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with and the person who dances with you in the kitchen while you cut carrots are one and the same.

realizations

-j.f.