Ok but guys, the truth is idk if I’m gonna keep running this blog. Writing has always been something strong for me I’ve turned to to avoid my vices.
I’ve been recently made to feel as though my feelings are so wrong and alien and that I shouldn’t have them or write about them. Especially my feelings involving the main subject of my poems.
Usually, I am not one to agree with general public and I like to battle against the current. However, I think the idea that my whole thing for him is creepy (which yes, if you knew me and the extents you would agree) is a bit of a flaw in my character, an obsessive flaw. I become obsessed with others maybe because I cannot love myself?
Anyhow, I never felt that my poetry about him was creepy. And being told it is is like having someone stick their hand into the only hole in my heart and tear it wide open. I’m just a little in shock and sadness because it was someone who I share my poetry with because I love them. Like how I share it with you guys because i love you and it’s a part of me.
Quite frankly, I don’t know what to think and I know if the person sees this they’re going to flip out on me so I’d like to avoid that.
I just don’t see why you’d make me feel so alone. It was like reenact cutting in drama the other day. I felt like I was standing alone with a spotlight on me and everyone had xray vision and was picking me apart like a biopsy (ooh thats poetic).
I felt really really humiliated and isolated by being told my poetry is creepy bc it’s about him. It makes me so unlikely to ever let that person in again as it makes me feel really dumb for having feelings.
I don’t like trusting people at all. I come across as a very outgoing, funny person but truthfully, i don’t let people see anything at all.
I’m gonna reflect deeply on this and it was a few small words but pretty deeply scarring actually. I thought I’d share all this with you all incase I do stop posting or shut down, just so you know why.
Plus this is almost like my thinking space when my head and poetry book are overcrowded and it’s too cold and dark to going running (lol).
Sorry you had to endure this bullshit of mine… As you’ll find, I apologize for everything to do with my existence as I deeply feel as though i shouldn’t be burdening people.